Conflict situations arise all the time. But someone comes out of them with a benefit for themselves, and someone constantly loses, spoils relationships with people, accumulates resentments, etc. Conflicts bring a lot of stress, you can get rid of stress on Bet20.

How to behave in conflicts with relatives, colleagues, and strangers to gain, not lose. 

Why Do Conflicts Arise?

Any conflict situation is characterized by the following signs:

  • Difference of opinion. John von Neumann defined conflict as the interaction of two objects with incompatible goals and ways to achieve them.
  • The significance of the question. Conflict can only be called a situation where the material or moral stakes are high. When further relationships, plans, psychological well-being, etc. depend on the resolution of the situation.
  • The intensity of emotions. Overwhelming negative emotions of fear and anger are constant companions of conflicts. No wonder, because there is something important at stake. But often it is emotions that cause the parties to be unable to resolve the situation.

There are always two sides involved in a conflict. It cannot be considered a conflict situation where one side has claims against the other but does not present them. Just as it is impossible to call a conflict a situation when one person wants to get something from another, and the second does not.

Winning and Losing Strategies of Behavior in Conflicts

There are 3 common ways to behave in conflict situations:


People often choose this method because of various fears and anxieties. Some are afraid of destroying or spoiling relationships, others are afraid of losing what they have, others are afraid of the opponent’s anger, perhaps even physical violence and others are afraid that they will get angry at themselves and lose control of themselves. In any case, avoidance is a losing strategy, as it prevents you from achieving the goal that is behind the conflict.


Insults, accusations, high-pitched conversations, threats, and other types of violent behavior are also ineffective. In the short term, you may be able to intimidate a person and force him to do what you need. But it will also destroy the relationship, make the person hate you and want revenge.

Honest Dialogue

The only correct strategy is to honestly, fully, concerning the interlocutor to express everything that you think about the current situation and discuss it. This option is applicable both in close relationships and to resolve conflicts with colleagues, customers, or superiors.

Instructions: How to Behave in a Conflict

Step 1. Don’t Chop in a Hurry

As we found out above, insults will not help to achieve what you want, and being in a rage it is impossible to hear the interlocutor. Therefore, a good solution in any conflict would be to give yourself a little time to calm down, collect your thoughts, and regain control of your emotions.

Step 2. Answer Yourself 3 Questions

When the feelings settle down a little, ask yourself three questions:

  • What do I need in this situation?
  • What do I want to achieve for my opponent?
  • What do I want to achieve for our relationship with him?

Answering these questions will help you look at the situation soberly and understand what is important to you. For example, if your goal is intimacy with a person, and you wish him happiness, then it will become clear that shouting and threats are not a suitable option.

Step 3. Maintain a Safe Atmosphere

During the dialogue, it is important not only WHAT you say, but also HOW. Perhaps you are saying correct and rational things, but if the interlocutor at the same time feels your aggression or desire to shame, a productive dialogue will not come out. Watch the tone of your voice, the gestures, and the distance between you and your opponent.